“I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years at the end of last year.”
“Why did you break up?”
“It sounds a bit silly, because as much as we love each other even until now, apparently we just don’t fit with each other, despite numerous trips to the counseling sessions and trying many things to rescue our relationship. I am the type who doesn’t mind the occasional sex with strangers as long as it is just sex and there are no feelings attached, and that love is only exclusive for both of us, but he was the type who can love more than one person at the same time. Throughout our 10 years relationship, he had 7 affairs, each lasting around 6 months or more.”
“So what finally triggered the final breakup after all these 10 years?”
“It was one week before Christmas, he was out of the country for work as usual. He promised me that he’ll be back on Saturday to do Christmas shopping with me. But on Saturday, he gave me a call to say that he couldn’t make it home because he missed the train and he’ll try to catch the train on Sunday. I was skeptical about his excuse, but I told myself to believe him because he has always been truthful to the point of even telling me about his previous affairs. But then Sunday came, he gave me another call to tell me that he missed the train again. I asked him if he was with someone, he said no. I dialed the number of his affair number 7 with my second phone while we were still on the line, and there over the phone I heard the ring of his affair’s phone. My heart broke like never before, I told him, ‘Stay there as long as you wish, because by the time you’re back, I’ll be gone.’ The next day I went to look for a room to rent. Found one shortly, put my name on the contract, and by Christmas day I had moved out and was single again for the first time after 10 years.”
“Do you think you had more happy times than sad times throughout these 10 years?”
“I’ve always been thinking about this question.. whenever he was with me, everything was really great – the living together, the trips, the sex, the companionship, the mutual understanding without words, the oneness.. we matched so perfectly together, as if we were one person. But when he was away, I was totally alone and miserable, I didn’t know if he was alone or with someone else. If you were to ask me whether I regretted spending these 10 years with him, I’d say no, because as much as I’ve suffered, I also had a lot of wonderful moments, which I wouldn’t have traded with anything else.”
“Since the breakup, do you think you became a happier person?”
“Well.. I stopped having reasons to cry. Because when you’re alone, nobody can make you sad. Being single, I feel as if I’m breathing fresh air everyday, all the fears and negative emotions are gone. Of course there were many moments when I’d thought, ‘How nice would it be to have him with me right now’, but I’m sure as time goes these moments will become less..”
“So how much have you adjusted to this new life of being single?”
“It was very difficult in the beginning few months, I didn’t know who to talk to at the end of the day when I reached home from work. But slowly I realized, there are actually many friends who would listen to you if you try to reach out to them. These days when I feel like talking to someone, I’d pick a person on my phone list and give them a call just to say hello and ask how they are doing. Life does not and should not end after a relationship
We’ve now managed to maintain as good friends. Once a week we would meet up a few hours just to enjoy the nice company of each other, without all the unhappy moments.
From this relationship, I learned that nobody can and should change anyone to shape the relationship to the way they hope it to be. Don’t expect your partner to change for you, the only person you can change is yourself. If you’re not happy in a relationship, the relationship ultimately won’t be a happy one, so it’s important that you find out what makes you happy and whether you can find it in your relationship. After all this is your life, and in the end it’s up to you to decide how you want to live your life.”
