Another case of falling for someone where you know that is probably not going anywhere, but like the moth flying towards the fire, I instinctively fell for a possibility that I thought would lead me to love.
Thinking back on it, I realise more and more that my incessant need for love is perhaps due to that I have a mental condition of being emotional dependence on a very specific person, and it didn’t get better when my first relationship was somewhat of a beginner’s lesson on crash and burn. As much as I thought I’ve moved on and am strong enough to be on my own, I found myself crying when there’s no one around. Crying every time I recalled of the time when I thought I had love.
Can’t believe after so many years on this blog, I’m still writing back the same old boring stuff of looking for love. After everything that I’ve been through, it’s as if I’ve walked in circles, I am now back at right where I started, perhaps quite a bit poorer even. How did this happen?
I feel like I’m wasting my youth solving a problem that is potentially unsolvable before I get too old, like 50 years old or something, perhaps then I’d have gotten so jaded I’d stop having the urge to find love.
I just started watching the new HBO series “Game of Thrones”, a very incredibly beautiful show with strong casts and heavy adult/gritty taste (lots of fucking, bare naked, and beheading scenes, how much more adult can one get right?). There was a line from the show that goes, “Life is full of possibilities, where death is so finite”. True in every sense, as long as I am alive, I shall promise myself to be ever hopeful because of the possibilities that life offers. And when it comes to love, I will keep on holding onto that hope, that someday, a miracle does happen, that I will find that one person who will love me for who I am, and be not afraid to say to me that he loves me, and I too, can finally mutter those three words, and not be afraid to sound like a fool.
